


Grey, Burned Out, and Dull

by Ali_Aphrodite



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Adopted Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Angry Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Angst, Bad Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Dead Wilbur Soot, Depressed TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Emotional Manipulation, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Manipulation, Manipulative Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Ghost Wilbur Soot, Mentioned Toby Smith | Tubbo, Mentioned Wilbur Soot, Mind Manipulation, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Suicide Attempt, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:00:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29472858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ali_Aphrodite/pseuds/Ali_Aphrodite
Summary: Tommy is very tired. He thinks about a lot of things and meets some people on the bridge that he always seemed to come back to. Lava was just so intriguing to the teenager.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Dream SMP Ensemble & TommyInnit, Ranboo & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Technoblade & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 9
Kudos: 455





	Grey, Burned Out, and Dull

**Author's Note:**

> Alright dark themes, you already know- 
> 
> I know most of you don't really want to hear this, but if you need help then call someone? Get support from someone who cares about you, and know that you'll get through this. Not too good at these kinds of things so sorry if it sounds insensitive. 
> 
> (BTW, this is kind of a filler in the meantime i get the next chapter out, currently working on a huge project and i don't really have much time haha)
> 
> Please don't cancel me-

Tommy was just so tired. He remembers sitting on the icy beaches of Logstedshire, staring at the water as if he looked long enough it would drown him. Sometimes he hoped it did. 

Exile wasn't too bad, once he got used to the routine. Wake up, work on something, Dream visits, sleep. Sometimes he forgot to keep track of the days during his times in isolation; it wasn't like he needed to. Tommy was sure he was going to be in Logstedshire for a  _ very _ long time. Nothing he could do about it. Dream says that he deserves to be exiled, that it was a way to get him to think about his actions and try to improve. 

He had thought that he had. 

As he sits in front of his dirty white tent he realizes many things. He must look so pitiful sitting here, looking like he had barely eaten since he was twelve and that he was homeless for even longer. The teen couldn't remember the last time he had taken a proper shower, or even brush out his hair. Tommy recalled a time where Dream had come to visit and washed him down with a hose and given him some minutes, telling him that he smelled awful and it couldn't be helped. Tommy didn't sleep well that night. 

It had taken him about three or four months to start cracking. Three or four months of being verbally degraded and abused, three or four months of nearly starving every night and freezing to death because he didn't have basic needs, three or four months of barely being able to sleep because of his mind. Tommy was a strong kid, that was obvious enough, but sometimes he just couldn't take it. 

He didn't know when he started. 

Tommy called it 'stress-relieving.' 

Dream called it being selfish. 

Tommy remembers when Dream had come back from his business trip. The teen had been so happy to see the green man; he has been working on this new project since Dream's last visit and wanted to show it to him. 

"Dream!" He called, running up to the nether portal and patiently waiting for the man to make sure was out all the way. Tommy was practically buzzing with excitement. He had been working so hard on it that he forgot to cover up his bandages when Dream came to visit, remembering that no one was supposed to know. 

Tommy flinched as the green man grabbed his wrists, trying not to meet his gaze as he was examined by judging eyes. "What's this Tommy?" He asked, gripping his wrists painfully tight and turning himself towards the teen. Tommy grit his teeth together, tears threatening to spill from his eyes and he squeezed them shut. 

"Tommy…" there it was. That pitying voice seemed to follow him whenever the green man was around. 

"Tommy, how could you do this to me?" The teen flinched again, shame filling his core as he looked down, hoping that he wouldn't cry. 

"After everything I've done for you, you do this to me?" His wrists were suddenly let go, Tommy stumbling backward as he held them to his torso, not wanting to meet his friend’s eye. 

"How could you be so selfish? You're a terrible person Tommy, you're so ungrateful for everything I go through to make you happy!" He looked away, staying silent as he stared at the water, wondering subconsciously if Dream would be mad at him if he drowned himself. Guilt and regret piled on top of shame, the pressure behind his eyes starting to become so overwhelming that he was sure he might break. 

"I think you need some time alone to think about what you've done," Tommy's eyes widened, his eyes instinctively going to meet the white porcelain mask that was buckled on the green man's face. He knew what that meant; he was going to be alone, in exile, for a week. Tommy hated being alone. Being alone meant that he had no choice but to listen to his thoughts or work himself to exhaustion, and usually, he couldn't do the latter.

"No Dream, please!" Tommy reached out towards a retreating Dream, only taking a step before tripping as tears flowed down his cheeks. 

"Dream, please! I don't wanna be alone! Don't leave me, please! I'm sorry Dream!" He was met with a final glance of a white mask before he retreated through the Nether portal. 

Tommy's hand lingered in the air for a while longer, a sob being caught in his throat as he only stared at the portal where his only friend had been. What was wrong with him? His hand dropped towards the floor, a grey tear-filled gaze going down along with it. Dream was right. Tommy was selfish and ungrateful; was this why he had gotten exiled? Was this why Tubbo had exiled him in the first place? Because he was selfish and never thought about how things would affect others.

That night Tommy didn't sleep too well or didn't sleep at all. 

Then he had gone to live with Technoblade! That wasn't too bad either until he inevitably messed it up like he always did. 

_ He just seemed to never be able to do anything right, did he?  _

He remembered the look on Techno's face when he said that he would side with Tubbo. No one else noticed it but him; Tommy could see the pain in the elder's eyes. The hatred started welling up along with the sadness at being used once again. Tommy felt his own heart shatter at his decisions, knowing that no matter who he chose he would have never made the right choice. 

The teen saw how the lust for blood made The Blood God twitch, the voices in his head for sure shouting their own anger and sadness at the betrayal. Tommy could argue that Techno had betrayed him as well, teaming up with the person that had ruined his entire life every chance that he got, but he didn't think it would be fair. 

He fought of course. Phil, Techno, and Dream against the rest of the SMP. The three most powerful people on the server against everyone else. As usual, since he always seemed to have a shit streak of luck, Tommy lost that too. His last memory of the man known as Wilbur Soot, his elder brother and someone who had actually cared about him when his  _ father _ had left with his best friend to go and adventure. 

He remembered how sad Tubbo looked when they observed the damage that had been done. It was over. 

Wilbur, along with his forever unfinished symphony, was gone forever. 

After, there was the battle against Dream at the hilltops of an acacia biome. Tommy could say that was the worst battle against his forever enemy that he had ever been in. Tubbo had been there with him, so it wasn't too bad; it had always been them two against Dream, even from the beginning. 

Tommy didn't know what to do as they ascended into the dark place known as Dream's supposed base. Where he would've kept the attachments of all the people on the server so he could gain control. He had his first lucky break when Punz had come through the portal with the entire SMP -besides the people that weren't necessarily allowed there- to save the day. 

That was the first time he had felt  _ truly _ pleased with the outcome of something for a very long time. 

Except he was still so tired. 

Tommy found himself back in the Nether constantly, whether it be to gather materials or just sit and stare at the lava. He hated being in the fiery pits of netherrack and fire demons, but he could never find himself away from it for too long. Oh, how he wished he could feel that fire again. The one that he had when he was younger, the flame that burned so bright people would try everything in their power to take it away. 

Now, all he is is a dead ember, the flame has died out the moment he had lost the last remnant of his brother. He was no longer passionate about anything anymore. Really, he had been trying to occupy his mind with projects, just like he had done in exile. Of course, just like in exile, those only worked for a short amount of time. 

Tommy's attention was brought back to reality as a squishing sound to his left came closer to him. Dull eyes tore themselves away from the flaming magma to turn to something none other than a magma cube. The teen-only watched as the mob turned towards him, looked the tired teen dead in the eyes, turned back towards the lava, and jumped. He sighed, watching as the square body fell into the endless pits of hell and disappeared. 

"I wish I could leave this place just like you did magma cube. Things would be a lot easier than, wouldn't they? Rest in peace buddy," he spoke to himself, really not caring about how anyone could hear him. At this point he really didn't care; not like anyone on this goddamn server would do anything about it. 

Then he heard footsteps abruptly stop near the same direction as the magma cube had just a few moments ago. Oh great, his terrible streak of luck had come back again. Yay. 

"Oops," he muttered, standing up from the edge of the bridge and facing whoever else had been in the Nether at this time. 

Of course. 

On the other end of the bridge stood Techno, Phil, and Ranboo. All three of them were staring at him with wide eyes, probably shocked about what he had said. Tommy noticed that they were all wearing similar outfits, Ranboo wearing one that he himself had worn when he had been living with The Blade.

"See you've found a replacement already? That was fast," he noted after stretching his stiff back, giving an unamused look when Ranboo gave a half glare half nervous look at him. The guy wasn't really intimidating besides the fact that he was overly tall.

He met eyes with Technoblade, who was glaring at him intensely. Tommy would have flinched if he wasn't used to it already. 

"What are you doing here Tommy?" He heard Phil ask, grabbing his attention from the piglin. The angel was holding his sword out, glaring at him with nearly as much intensity as Techno was. 

"What do you mean, what am I doing here? I built this bridge, along with almost all the other ones that you see here," Tommy spoke nonchalantly, stuffing his hands into his pockets. 

"Well, I don't care. Leave," Phil retorted, gripping the handle of his Netherite sword harder. 

Tommy raised an eyebrow, glancing between the elder man and his sword. "What are you gonna do? Stab me? Don't think you would have too much of a problem impaling your other son with a sword right?" ' _ Not that he wouldn't be against it, anyways _ ,' a voice added in his head. A small smile graced his lips at the flinch his so-called father gave, chuckling as Techno got progressively more pissed. 

"Tommy, be quiet before I make you," the piglin growled out, huffing as Ranboo took a nervous step back once Techno summoned his pickaxe. The aforementioned teen almost didn't comply, before sighing as a glimpse of a strider caught his attention. Immediately, he turned away from the group, going to stare at the strider over the edge. He could feel their confusion from here, and it almost made him chuckle. 

He sat back down on the edge of the bridge, contemplating whether or not they would try to stop him if he did jump. Of course, he wouldn't. Not yet at least. The only reason he kept fighting was because of Tubbo. Without him, Tommy wasn't sure how long it would be until he ended up killing himself to be with his best friend. 

Shuffling was heard behind him, signifying that the group was leaving. Before he could stop himself, the words were already leaving his mouth: 

"Techno? Phil? Before you go I want you to think about something," he called out behind them, not expecting the group to stop and turn to him. He met both of the retired warrior’s eyes before turning back to the molten lava that lies under him, standing back up on the obsidian.

"Do you guys know what Dream did to me? Do you guys know why I didn't want to destroy L'manburg?" He glanced back, noticing Ranboo flinch at the mention of the green bastard. He saw Phil only glare at him while Techno furrowed his brow, red eyes turning to the floor as he thought. 

Again, Tommy shoved his hands into his pockets before turning away from them, a dead and tired expression on his face. "Think about that. Maybe you'll realize why I supposedly 'betrayed you,'" and with that final note, he walked away, not stopping to hear their reactions or questions. 

It’s not like they would care anyway. 

  
  


===

Technoblade was absolutely fuming. He has sore that he would never talk to that traitor again. But now here he was, interrupting his trip with Phil and Ranboo the same way he always seemed to interrupt everything. Tommy had interrupted his retirement, then interrupted his plan to completely destroy L'manburg, and now his interrupting his peaceful trip.

All he had heard the teenager say was 'rest in peace magma cube' and then a muttered 'oops'. But Cshat seemed to be screaming a bunch of  _ 'No, Tommy! _ ' and a mix of blood for the 'Blood for the Blood God' as he began to see red. 

He was too focused on the chat to hear what Tommy had said next since they were all screaming a bunch of different things. 

"What are you doing here Tommy?" He heard Phil say next to him bringing his attention back to the situation at hand, having summoned his sword. It seemed the angel was also pissed at the interruption. 

"What do you mean, what am I doing here? I built this bridge, along with almost all the other ones that you see here," Tommy spoke carelessly, putting his hands in his pockets. Techno hadn't remembered the younger's eyes being so grey, and empty. 

' _ That's true! _ ' A louder voice said in his head, the others agreeing with it in their own ways.

"Well, I don't care. Leave," he heard Phil reply, the anger in his voice very obvious as Ranboo's nervous energy only increased. 

Techno watched as Tommy raised an eyebrow, looking between his roommate and the Netherite sword in said roommate’s hand. "What are you gonna do? Stab me? Don't think you would have too much of a problem impaling your other son with a sword right?"

Immediately, Cshat erupted into chaos, voices laughing as the word  _ 'LMAO' _ repeated over and over. There was also a bunch of  _ 'BOOM ROASTED' _ s and ' _ TOMMY IS SO OUT OF POCKET _ ' the voices only further dampening his mood as they pounded against his skull. 

"Tommy, be quiet before I make you," the piglin said angrily, huffing as Ranboo took a nervous step back once he summoned his usual pickaxe dubbed ' _ Toothpick _ ' since he forgot the axe the enderman had given him. 

He watched as the teen’s attention suddenly became diverted, Tommy, going back to sit where he had been previously to stare at lava? That was strange. 

' _ Don't let Tommy jump!'  _

_ 'Do a flip!'  _

_ 'GhostInnit? Pog?' _

_ 'Is he gonna do it now? That's so cringe, why didn't he just jump off the tower?' _

_ 'Fueling the angst if you ask me.'  _

Techno felt himself being dragged along as he listened to Cshat ramble, wondering what exactly they were going on about. Why would Tommy ever jump off a tower? The only reason he had ever known the teen to jump off something like that would be to perform water bucket tricks and then proceed to brag about it for nearly half an hour to anyone unfortunate enough to get in hearing range. 

"Techno? Phil? Before you go I want you to think about something," he whirled around, wondering what the traitorous brat would want. 

"Do you guys know what Dream did to me? Do you guys know why I didn't want to destroy L'manburg?" Techno furrowed his brow, pleased that he knew it would be something dumb that he didn't really care about. 

Cshat thought otherwise. 

' _ That's not poggers.'  _

_ 'Guys please-'  _

_ 'Damn, he really pulled that card didn't he?'  _

_ 'He's right you guys never thought about why he betrayed you, ya know.' _

"Think about that. Maybe you'll realize why I supposedly 'betrayed you,'" and with that Tommy walked away down the path, leaving the artic group confused about what was going on with him. 

_ 'No! Don’t let him leave he'll take his last life!' _

_ 'Where is he going? The SMP is behind him??' _

_ 'It's because of Wilbur!' _

_ 'You guys took his last memory of Big Bro Soot and now he isn't happy with you guys!'  _

_ 'We can never get 4/4 Sleepy Bois content, can we? Only crumbs.'  _

That chat simultaneously agreed with that last comment, only leaving him more confused than anything else. What was he supposed to do with that? Seemed like something was wrong with the youngest though. But it wasn't like he cared, Technoblade doesn't ever die, nor cares for his enemies and that was final. 

Didn't stop him from wanting answers though. 

**Author's Note:**

> I LAUGHED SO HARD AT WHAT TOMMY SAID I KID YOU NOT I WAS DYING


End file.
